sheangel (sheangel) wrote in sex_toys,
sheangel
sheangel
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Strap on question II

I am a gay woman and my partner and I have recently aquired a strap on. We have no problem when I am receiving, as I have never experienced straight sex, but my partner cannot dissociate being penetrated with the strap on from memories of sex with men - a big turn off! She enjoys penetration very much so this in itself isn't the problem. Does anyone have any advice or ideas that may make the idea more attractive for her?

And does anyone have any ideas how to apply lube to the dildo without feeling like I'm giving a guy a hand job?!
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Hi just wanted to post to say thank you to everyone who has given advice. Especially to the wonderfully knowledgable Goddess of Beat. You ROCK big time and so does your advice!! We'll keep you posted on progress but all I'm saying is so far soooo very, very good ;)
For everyone here, below is some advice I got from a friend of mine that may be of use to anyone else with a similar query.

"Okay. Here goes.

In my experience, what helps is slowly working up to using the dildo in the harness. Use the dildo by hand, particularly while going down on her, and that will help put new visions into her head. Use the dildo by hand while laying next to each other, and you can kiss her and fuck her at the same time, and she can work her clit with her own hand. Have her stand over you while you sit on a chair, and fuck her with the dildo in your hand in that position (which rules, by the way). Also, what helps is using dildos that are so non-cock, like dildos that are bright purple or glitter or shaped like a snake. Watching porn with strap-ons or other dildo use is really helpful in getting different images in there; my favorite dildo porns are: Sugar High Glitter City, The Violation of Cinnabunz, and Sex Flesh In Blood. Talking continuously to one another, trying different positions, keeping your eyes open and the lights on all help. Also, practice helps, because the dildo isn't a factory-installed fucking implement, it doesn't work like your hand, for instance; you can't feel how far you are inside someone the same way when you're fucking with a dildo or prosthetic cock. Try fucking in ways that are either 1) her favorite positions (to redefine them in a new and happy context) or 2) positions she's never tried and therefore doesn't associate with a type of sex she doesn't want to have or be reminded of.

As for the lube, you're giving yourself a handjob, not some guy. ;) So jerk away! I do it all the time. If this still doesn't do it for you, try putting the lube on in a spiral coming from the base up, and when you're fucking that will spread it all around, or just apply the lube with your hand inside her hole instead of onto the dildo. Slippery Stuff (the best lube out there, IMO) comes in a pump bottle for larger sizes, which can help with application."

Thank you again to EVERYONE!
My advice is to not worry so much about feeling like you're "giving a guy a hand job"

To quote a phrase:

So fucking what?

Don't be so male-phobic.